Funny Overeating during the holidays is like backing up to get a running start for my New Year's diet! #holidays#food#diet
Fact Thomas Jefferson refused to declare days of 'Thanksgiving' due to his firm belief in the separation of church and state. #thanksgiving#holidays#presidents
Funny I've filed a lawsuit against the company that made the mirrors in my home. I'm tired of their product fat shaming me every day! #diet#lawsuit#food
Funny When someone says 'you've lost weight' but you know in your head that you haven't. #diet#food#weightloss
Funny Me: No need to iron; my body heat will unwrinkle this shirt. Also Me: [Shows up to event in wrinkled shirt] #wrinkled#iron#work
Fact Jack Daniel's is made in a dry county, where no liquor can be served. #jackdaniels#tennessee#whisky
Funny Doctor: Have you ever had a stress test? Patient: Have you met my wife? #doctor#heart#marriedlife
Funny Just because I don't tailgate the car in front of me, it doesn't mean I'm leaving an opening for you to jam your car into! #safedriving#roadrage#driving
Funny Finding a new home can be difficult when you insist on popcorn ceilings throughout. #popcorn#ceiling#lifelesson
Funny Every generation thinks their music was better than today's music. However, unlike previous generations, people that say that today are right! #music#grammys#bad
Funny All systems are back online; you may continue web-surfing instead of working. #computers#internet#work
